Out There

Out There

One of my goals for 2017 is to “put myself out there” more.  I have a tendency to hibernate and tend to socialize little.  I’ve been single for most of my life, I’ve had a few long-term relationships, but none of them were meant to be forever.

My friends tell me all the time “You want to be single”, “You’re so happy single”, “You don’t need a boyfriend”.  In a sense, all of these statements are true.

I would rather be single than in a relationship that doesn’t make me happy.  I don’t need a boyfriend — I’ve become very good at taking care of myself and doing things a boyfriend would typically do for you (or at least you would hope he would).

The fastest way to go on dates and to meet people these days is to sign up for online dating.  I’m not really into online dating, but I signed up for 6 months to give it a try.  I’ve been on about 8 dates and I’m finding that this process is exhausting and not good for my self-esteem.  I have to keep reminding myself that things happen for a reason, I’m worthy of a great guy, and thank God for unanswered prayers (as one country song puts it).

The guys that I’ve met so far, have been very nice but I’ve known right away that we weren’t clicking or we didn’t have that “spark”.  Even in these situations, my philosophy is to say “yes” to anyone who asks me out, and I will almost always give a second date.  First dates are so awkward that usually on the second date you can get to know a person better.

The online situation hasn’t been working out, so I’m taking a break for the holidays.  I know all of the standard advice for meeting someone, “you’ll meet someone when you’ve stopped looking/when you least expect it”, “join clubs, do things on your own and you’ll meet guys with your own interests”, etc., etc.

I go skiing alone, I run alone, I have eaten dinner at a bar alone, I’ve stopped looking and given up, I’ve done all of these things. I am coming to accept that I may be alone my whole life, and I’m trying to find peace in that thought.

My advice for those of you who have single friends: Please don’t assume that they want to stay single, don’t ask them “WHY?” they are still single, and don’t give advice on where to meet people.  We know these things and don’t need more reason to feel bad about ourselves.  Don’t ask how dating is going, if it’s good, you’ll know.

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